God told me to move, so I'm doing it.

Following the Spirit by buying a house.

When I set out to buy a house in Woodland Hills Utah, it wasn’t really my idea. Yeah, I had thought I would “eventually” move. But frankly I thought is was a long way off.

I have been in this little grey house down the street from the Springville Museum of Art for almost 3 years. I first moved here on July 15, 2016 when Sara and I were separating from our marriage headed toward divorce. I have loved this house, it’s been a house of healing for me and for my kids. It has been filled with so many experiences that I have learned from. So many cries from pain and so may re-discovering of joys that I had lost or forgotten about. So I really wasn’t looking to move...

My little grey house

I try in my life to live so as to be in tune with what the spirit of God is telling me to do, I’m not perfect at it, but I am learning how to listen and obey more and more.

So a few months ago, I started feeling like time was approaching to look into what it would take to move. Honestly it was one of those that I usually pass of as a “yeah, I’ll get to it sometime” type of thing. Then my daughter Adrianne got married to Alex on April 5, 2019 and some of my wonderful family came up a few days early to help me and Aspen make the food for the wedding. It was so much work and I was running around so much trying to get everything done. So was everyone else, and in this little house of mine we were pretty much stepping all over each other’s toes. Obstacle coursing around each other is fine if it’s for a few hours during a family gathering, but for 4 or 5 days it gets really old. I loved having everyone here, and wouldn’t have had it any other way. But it was cramped to say the least. I realized during and after that weekend that the time to find something bigger was imenent.

Still, I felt like it was a ways off. Like, I’d wait and so something about it maybe in the fall or something. I didn’t feel like I was in a hurry to leave my home and move on that soon.

Then, one day at work I was walking to my desk, when I had that thought that I should call my mortgage guy and ask him to find out how much I could qualify on a loan. Truthfully that was not the first time I had the spirit put the thought in my head in the preceding few weeks, but the difference this time was that I felt it stronger, and I realized that I could call and leave a message even if he didn’t pick up which would get the ball rolling. In addition I realized that he already had all of my financials, so I just had to tell him that I wasn’t paying alimony any longer and he could easily pre-qualify me. My phone was right there in my pocket and his phone number was in my contacts so I woudn’t even have to look it up.

So this time instead of saying “I’ll do it when I get a chance later” I grabbed my phone and made the call, left a message and a day later he called me and we got the ball rolling.

I was excited when I was told how much I qualified for, thinking “that’s way more than I will need”.

(I hadn’t checked out the housing market yet, I had no idea how inflated it has become).

I asked him what the next step was and he told me to go find a house and put it under contract. I remember thinking “whoa! I wasn’t intending to actually look right now! This is happening awfully fast!”. (A testament to the fact that God’s time and my time are often not the same).

I figured it could’t hurt to look, so I asked my friend Steve Bond (himself being really good at dealing in real estate) who he would recommend as a realtor, and he gave me the name of Jennifer Belliston. (Excellent realtor for anyone who may be considering selling or buying a house, I highly recommend using her, she really delivers and gets the job done!) So I called and we got things going.

I went out looking at houses, after a few I found a house in Woodland Hills on Maple Drive that I fell in love with. It was perfect, other than the fact that it was in serious need of major updating that would have taken a lot of time and a lot of work and money to do. That was why I could afford it though. I loved it because it was on an acre lot in the woods, it was 5,000 square feet so lots of room for guests and kids to have fun and visit. It had a 4 car detached garage that I could have used as a separate art studio, in addition to a 3 car attached garage. So much room and a couple of sheds to store my ATV, trailer and other things. We made an offer and thought we had it, so Jennifer took myself and my kids to the house to see it.

The first Woodland Hills House I made an offer on

While we were there at the house, she got a call saying that they had put the house under contract, but not with us, with a friend of theirs instead...

I was so disappointed, I was so excited emotionally, and finding that out didn’t even seem real. I had been praying for Heavenly Father to help me find the right house for me and my family, and I also had prayed that He would not let it work out if it wasn’t meant to be. Well, here it was not working out and it was so hard because I was so totally excited. I spent the next 2 days trying to sort through my disappointment. After the 2 days I got back onto the internet and started looking again.

I found a wonderful Arrive home that was really nice, it was brand new (not even finished being built yet) and I loved the floor plan (I had looked at a lot of floor plans, so much searching existing and new houses went into this that I’m not telling about, just know that it’s about all I did after work for a long time, late into the night and up early in the morning.) I loved it so I prayed about it and didn’t receive a definite answer. So asking Heavenly Father to again hedge the way if I wasn’t supposed to have that house, I put an offer on it.

Arrive home I had under contract in Salem, UT

Arrive home I had under contract in Salem, UT

I should say too, because I didn’t earlier, that the amount I qualified for at first was not enough to buy most of the houses I was looking at. I finally had to call my mortgage guy up and ask what I needed to to in order to qualify for more. He told me that if I didn’t show any business loss on my taxes I could qualify for more. I usually take a lot of deductions for my art business because I buy a lot of things to create art. Some of my pieces sell and others don’t. So I had a loss. I had already done my taxes, but by some miracle, there was a mistake on my original filing, so the IRS rejected my taxes. While I was working on resolving the mistake (it was my mistake I not my tax guy’s) I was also working on qualifying for my mortgage. So since I had to re-file with the mistake fixed, I didn’t have to amend my taxes which made it much faster to make the adjustment. I consider that a bit of God’s hand in this process, had that not happened, it may have been a lot longer before I could get everything in line to get the loan for my house.

Still, as nice as the Arrive home was, I still wasn’t totally settled on it. I loved it, and went back and looked at it many times, trying to convinced myself that it was perfect. A few things bothered me about it. It had a small yard, no trees whatsoever, and the payment was going to be higher than I originally thought I wanted to spend. So still found myself up at night browsing houses online, So much so that I knew every listing between Springville and Payson in my price range. It actually made it faster to browse because I could list them from newest to oldest and just view the newest ones until I got to houses I recognized. We went and saw so many houses! I thought for sure that Jennifer was going to get sick of showing me houses, but she was so good and patient with me.

At the same time as this was all going on I was working on selling my house. We had 30 days to sell my house for the contract with the Arrive home. I wasn’t sure it would happen, and I kept telling Heavenly Father that it was up to Him. I rented a pod and got tons of stuff out of my house so it would look less like a “Jeff Goodsell Bachelor Pad” and more like “anyman’s home”. I even felt like I should paint the front room white since most houses now are white inside, so they look like wide open spaces, light and airy. It was a ton of work, and I have to say that my kids really helped me so much! I asked them for help, let them know how much I needed the help, and they pitched in and did a lot to help. What a blessing family is. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate my kids more than I ever have before in my life. Kids are wonderful!

My front room re-painted.

 We listed my house on Monday and but he end of the day on Tuesday we had 10 offers. We accepted one that was $20,000 above my asking price and put it under contract. I was worried that it would sell fast enough, so I left it in Heavenly Father’s hands (after I had done all that I could myself) and I will tell you, He really delivered! What a blessing. I have thanked Him many times, wow, when God goes to work, miracles happen!

We made another offer on a house that had a large pond bordering the back yard, but that didn’t pan out, and then after several weeks I was glancing at houses more and found that the Woodland Hills house that I had originally wanted was back on the market. I was so excited! I let Jen know and asked her to re-submit my offer, which she did. I was so happy. I couldn’t believe that I had another shot at that house! I thought for sure that this was the answer to my prayers and now that house would be mine. It was an excruciating 3 days waiting to hear back from the owners, and in the end when we heard back they had decided to give the same guy I lost the house to a month earlier another chance at it. His offer was even $30,000 less than mine! They must really be fond of that friend. I even wrote them a letter to submit with the offer.

That same weekend I was on Facebook and an artist friend who I follow on Facebook posted a post that said something like “come be my neighbor” and included a link to a brand new post for a different house in Woodland Hills. The house fit into my price range! So as soon as I knew the first Woodland Hills house wasn’t going to pan out, I asked my realtor to take me to see this other house. I loved it. Honestly it’s not a perfect as the first one. It doesn’t have a detached garage that I can use as a workshop, and it’s not big. But it is a good price, it’s plenty big, about 2,000 sq feet bigger than my current house if I finish the basement. And the basement has 9 foot ceilings so it won’t feel like a basement, and it has a wonderful walk-out area that I can use as my studio. It’s going to be a great. Place to do art and have family coming over. It’s on an acre of land and it’s forested! I’m so excited.

During this entire process I was praying for clarification from Heaven to know if I was choosing the right house. I have not received an overwhelming “yes” or a resounding “no” at any point, I was really frustrated with Heavenly Father at one point and was telling Him so when he told me to look up “receiving answers to prayer” on google. I did, and Elder Richard G Scott’s conference talk on receiving answer to prayer came up. I watched it on YouTube, and he said that God answers prayers by saying “Yes” or “No”. Then he explained that there is a third way he answers prayers, by allowing us to exercise faith. In other words he doesn’t give an answer and expects us to trust that He will course correct as we go. I have felt this course correction throughout this process. I have prayed often for His help to know if I am headed down a path that needed course correction. He has told me in small ways, and obvious ways. I have learned so much through this experience. God does live and He answers my prayers, in His own time and in His own way. I love Him! I love my personal relationship with Him!

-Jeff

This is the house I am buying! Look at all those beautiful TREES!

My Thoughts on The Shawshank Redemption, Andy or Red...

So I watched The Shawshank Redemption last night, I know, it's rated R, so it took me a while to decide to watch it, there are only a few R movies I have ever watched in my life, another one is The Pianist, and the Passion of The Christ, both of which I highly recommend, The Pianist being a movie that is set during the Holocaust, and it shows some of the atrocities perpetrated by the Nazis, which is how it got it's R rating. The Passion of the Christ shows all of the abuse that Christ underwent, it's quite bloody (understatement), but basically shows what it was most likely actually like for Christ to go through that for us. I highly recommend both movies.

Back to Shawshank Redemption, It's a great movie, but it has a lot of language, as I can only imagine would be the case in a maximum security prison. However, it was nothing compared to many days in High School that I remember, and I feel like in this case it helped to illustrate the situation as it probably really would have been, which was necessary to the message of the movie.

It's a hard movie to watch, but in the end it shows how the indomitable will of the human spirit cannot be broken if one wills for it to not be broken. It also shows how one who's will is broken, can be restored through hope and kindness as shown by another. In other words we can make a difference. It also shows pure evil, the warden, I have no words to describe how I felt about that character. The fact that he covers it over with the Bible and Christianity, creates basically a rouse around religion that hides his insidious under side. This is what gives religion today a bad rap. So many hypocrites have used religion to hide their true selves, their bad choices, and their pure evil.

As for myself, I can honestly say that I have made mistakes, I have messed up and made poor choices in my life, AND I have paid a high price for those mistakes. I continue to pay a high price, AND I have done my best to clean that up and make changes in my life. I have grown closer to God through all of it. I have also learned not to judge others, I simply don't have enough knowledge about life in general, and about individuals to ever be able to pass a good judgement. So I will leave that to God. The great thing about that is that now I understand more what unconditional love means. If I don't have to spend time judging, I can just love others for who they are. I can love them for all their good parts and see them through all of their bad parts. It's my bad parts that have helped me to become better. Making mistakes and learning from them, choosing better paths when I don't like the outcomes, and working to be the man I want to be, and them and God knows I can be.

I love the final scenes where Red is looking for the obsidian rock, and digging up the tin. I love that the note was obviously placed there by Andy after he escaped, I love that he had the forethought to watch out for his friend, plant the seeds for his friend's redemption before he escaped. I think the Shawshank Redemption is not about Andy, I think it's about Red, and his redemption. MEN CAN CHANGE, many don't, but ALL have within them the capacity to change, and sometimes it just takes another, crossing their path and walking with them for a while, to make the change possible, for them to SEE that it is possible. We all can help each other out on this journey called life. It's so full of hard things, but we are not alone, and most of all, for me, my trials have found many friends, and most importantly, they have helped me to build a strong relationship with God and Christ.

I want to say too, that I feel like every soul on this planet is known to God, he loves every one, and he knows what each one needs in order to get back to him, and he helps them to have what they need. In other words, I do believe that there is truth, and that we will all find that truth, but every person has their own journey to that truth, everyone has their own path, and I believe that God is there ready to lead each soul on their individual path, we all get to choose whether we will follow or if we will choose our own ways. That is God's gift to us, the gift of choice.

As the movie ended I found myself talking to God, asking him to help me, and to allow me to be an Andy to someone. To make a difference in as many lives as I can before I die, in whatever way God wants me to make that difference. My thoughts turned to my kids, I can be the best dad that I can to them, and help them develop their own relationships with God, in their own time, when they are ready. I can help them on their path to find truth, and most of all I can make sure that they know that their dad loves them. I can do the same as an Uncle, Brother, Son, Friend, etc... Someday I hope that I can also do that as a Husband, we will see what God has in store for my life.

I wasn't in a place where I had internet yesterday so I wasn't able to post so here are 3 more progress pics on my drawing, I wanted to include a skull like the Kuksi drawing does, so I chose a turtle. For this drawing the turtles traditionally are a symbol of long life because they live for so long, so I chose to use a turtle to represent endurance, or more finely put, enduring to the end. It's a personal challenge that I have accepted to be connected to God and to endure my life well until the end. I was originally going to go with a more curling filigree motif for this but I decided that I had enough of that going on in the filigree wave so I decided to go the direction of Maori face paint, which was definitely the right choice. I love the way the turtle turned out for this one. Incidentally, the Fleur de Lis is significant in many cultures as a representation for such things as Royalty and the Holy Trinity. I used it here as a representation of both, I believe that we are all children of God, and who is more royal than God? AND endurance in this life can only be achieved if we are connected to a higher power, for me this is my Heavenly Father, his son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. So the Fleur de Lis is a very fitting symbol for this part of the drawing. Incidentally, most of my art has deeper meaning like this, not all of it quite so deep, but I often include symbolism because for me, I want my art to have a message, should the viewer be willing to engage my work on a deeper level.

I've always loved candles, especially drippy ones, and I am really intrigued with the idea that a flame can be a fish. For me there is a lot of meaning in the metaphor. I really wanted to capture the "glow" in this, the fish is the source of light for the entire drawing, so it has to be the brightest image on the artwork.

Here is the next stage of the drawing, I added the dark background and started in on the light charcoal look. Remember, this is digital, completely drawn on my iPad Pro with the drawing stylus which as to be one of God's greatest gifts to artists who like to work in digital format, other than the smooth drawing surface which I have adapted to, and the angle of the stylus not perfectly mimicking a good old real pencil, (which I have also adapted to) this iPad and stylus is the closest electronic equivalent to the real thing out there, and I love it.

I wanted to have the ship riding a filigree wave on the turtle's back so here is my personal interpretation of a filigree wave and water droplets. I will experiment with both soft curves and harder angles in this painting, which plays on the dichotomy of Male and Female strengths, that both contrast and compliment each other. (in other words, curls for girls and hard edges and angles for boys, and yet they work together beautifully, just like in a successful marriage).

Endurance, Mastery and Light, are the themes I am working with for this new piece I have been working on while I have been traveling here in China. All three themes are very dear to me as I have been on this journey of recovery from the things I have been through over the last few years. The Ship is Mastery, (reference Invictus poem) The candle light and knowledge that I have received from God, and the turtle, endurance with the idea of enduring to the end of my life, and enduring it well, discovering the man that I want to be and the man that God wants me to be and joining the 2 together. The style inspiration for this new piece is from this white charcoal drawing by Kris Kuski, I want to put lots of detail into this piece. I'm drawing it on my iPad and I will try to update this post every day with progress shots.

RIP Chester Bennington 2017

I was down in Phoenix AZ for my grandmother's funeral when I got a call from my oldest son asking me if I had heard the news, "Chester Bennington is dead!" He committed suicide this morning (my grandmother's funeral was July 20th). I listened to my son as he talked about it, and I grieved with him because I liked Linkin Park, have for a long time now. Numb has been a staple in my list of go-to emo songs when I am feeling down, but Chester Bennington dead? and to suicide no less? What is this world coming to, there are so many suicides, SO MANY SUICIDES! And I know, because I had a friend commit suicide, and I have gone through a lot of depression through my divorce and choices I made leading up to the divorce. I felt like dying many times, I contemplated what it would be like to  kill myself, and ultimately, because of my friend and my faith in God, decided that, for me, suicide would be cop out. Suicide is easy, one act and you are done, facing life and living is hard, it requires a thousand acts every day, and learning the balance between my spirit and my body. Keeping that balance is hard, and I have to work at it every day. I have so many thoughts and feelings about this, I am really glad that I got to go to Vegas with my son to see Linkin' Park in concert, I considered asking him if he would go to the concert when they come to Utah, I'm glad that I didn't, because there will never be another concert to go to. I don't know what the future holds for Linkin Park, but I'm betting that it looks a lot different now considering the major roles Chester played. I love his music, I love the thought and meaning that he puts into is lyrics, music and videos. I wish he had not killed himself. It is an interesting difference between how the death of my grandmother and Chester feels. Her funeral was a celebration of a life well lived, of a strong woman who endured, and believe me she endured a lot. Chester's death feels tragic and very sad, a light snuffed out of his own will way too soon. This photo is my tribute to Chester, his new song, One More Light keeps playing in my head over and over again as I try to reconcile the reason for his or any suicide, what purpose it plays in the grand scheme of things. I considered for a long time how to paint it, in the end I did this montage of drawings and a photo of him I found online. Even though I never knew you personally, I will miss you thank you for all you have given me through your music and the chance to spend a great weekend with my son going to your concert. Who cares if one more light goes out?...well, I do!

Faith Crisis

The subject of a personal faith crisis has come up 3 times for me in the last 24 hours. The idea that sometimes God tests us by leaving us to stand alone for a period of time to choose to endure, or not to endure without him is so profound. I personally believe that He knows, in his infinite wisdom, that each one of us needs to know on a very deep level whether we will be faithful to Him. He already knows what I will choose, he knows me better than I know myself, I am His son, he knew me personally before the foundation of this world. He knows my strengths, and He knows my weaknesses, but I don't know all of them, and He teaches me through hard experiences. There have been profound moments, seemingly long periods of darkness, in my life where I have felt utterly alone. I have made mistakes, I have not always chosen the best paths, and in doing so I have distanced myself from God, and those times have been dark, and there have been times where it seems that God has stepped back and distanced himself from me, even when I am striving with all that I know how to do to approach Him. It's during these times that I have to reach down deeper than I ever have before and look for Him. He does not always immediately respond, and I have thought at times about how easy it would be to choose to do what my selfish carnal mind wants me to do. AND I also realize that I can choose in that moment to be faithful, even if I don't "feel like it". I also realize that those are the true defining moments of my life, when I learn that I myself can and do choose to be faithful even when I don't feel it, that I can be true to what I know and believe even when I don't really feel the presence of God in my life. Those are the moments when my personal choices really matter, when I show my Heavenly Father that I am willing to stand up and be counted. It's easy to be "true and faithful" when God is making himself known, but the moments when He is withdrawn, when I have to stand on my own and make a decision which way I will go, those moments teach me that God really does keep His word that we can choose for ourselves. That happiness is mine to choose, and that my weaknesses can be made strong, yes, my weaknesses are ultimately what will help me to return to live with Him, because they teach me the most about myself, and I can rely on God to help me make them strong, thus bringing me closer to Him. This article about Micheal McLean is really good, wherein he talks about his own 9 year struggle and faith crisis:

http://www.ldsliving.com/Michael-McLean-Opens-Up-About-His-9-Year-Faith-Crisis-and-How-He-Found-His-Testimony-Again/s/83606

Suffering and Pain and God telling me to "stop it!"

So much has happened over the last few years, I don't know exactly where to begin, but let me start by saying that I am getting a divorce.

Now let me continue by saying that this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. I keep looking back on my life and comparing it with what I thought my life would be and I just about want to throw up every time I think about where my life is right now. On the surface I think it looks rather grim, and believe me I have spent a lot of time, and some sleepless nights going over and over again in my head what is happening, looking at what my life is like right now, what it used to be, and what it may be in the future.

Yesterday I was at Sam's Club, not because I really needed anything there, but it's close to work and it was Friday night and the only place I had to go was home to my new bachelor pad, where I knew I would be all alone on a Friday night. My kids only 2 miles away from me, but unable to see them because its not "my weekend" (blech, my stomach wants to hurl just thinking about it). While I was there I picked up a gallon of Skim Milk and a big huge bottle of laundry detergent. I remember picking up the 115 load bottle and thinking, "this is going to last me forever since I'm the only one doing laundry at my house" (truth be told, I get to go to the laundry mat since my paycheck is now having to cover 2 households and lawyers aren't cheap). As I was walking around I looked down at my cart full of 2 items and thought about how just a few months ago when I came to Sam's Club I bought tons of food, filled the cart for my family, I loved grocery shopping for them because it gave me a sense of purpose, of doing something for them, it made me feel needed. It hit me that that was a former life that is no longer a part of my life. That life that I had become so familiar with was then, and this is now, that chapter is over and this is my new chapter. It was a very strange feeling. I reflected the first time Sara and I went to that exact Sam's Club together when we came to Utah. It was Winter 1995 and we were in a strange place, but I remember that somehow the Sam's Club felt like home because it looked and felt the same inside as it did in Phoenix. Fast forward 21 years and I was walking alone through the Sam's Club (I have been to Sam's alone many times, but this alone is a different alone. This is the I am really alone, and when I go home I will be alone, I will eat alone, and sleep alone, and do everything alone). I looked at my 2 items and realized that I didn't need anything else so I meandered (in no particularly hurry) toward the register and it struck me how ridiculous the 2 items were, how pathetic it was to not buy a lot of food to take home to my family. I felt sad in that moment and had to surrender it away to God to handle for me or I would cry right there in Sam's Club. What would my 21 year ago self say if my current self could go to him and tell him that in 21 years I would be getting a divorce? I did not ever expect this, it's so hard.

I have spent so much time beating myself up over it, to the point that God actually told me to stop it! That's right, I asked and he told me to stop beating myself up for my past. Somehow I thought it was noble to beat myself up about it, like somehow inflicting pain upon myself for my past would help to make it known that I am truly sorry and that I deserve what I get and that it I suffer enough just maybe I can be forgiven...someday. Well, that's not what God wants at all, he wants me to stop it and move on. It's been hard to stop. Somehow, there is a comfort in beating myself up, like somehow that has become an old friend. I had become accustomed to pain and I found that it was hard to let it go. Insane huh? I had always thought that what I truly wanted was happiness, and in the end what I really felt like I wanted in that phase of my life was to sit in my heap of pain and wallow in it because somehow that justifies me. God was not pleased, and now I understand why, I was allowing my own emotions to rule my actions instead of taking the reigns and being in charge of my own life.

So I started surrendering my right to beat myself up. I surrendered each time I denigrated myself in any way, every time I called myself stupid or told myself that I am such an Idiot, I had to stop and surrender that to God and let it go. I have had to learn to let go of the comfort of my own pain and choose happiness. Oh, it's not as easy as that, and it has taken a long time to see changes in my attitudes and thoughts, but it is a slow steady change. I have come to learn that happiness is not something that we simply choose. It is something that we work for. I cannot just decide one day to be happy and "viola!" I am happy. No, happiness is a lot of work, it's like Love, we can get glimpses of it given to us, but lasting love requires a great deal of work on our parts. If we want love, we have do do the work that cultivates love. Likewise, if we want happiness, we have to do the work that cultivates happiness. It's like there are laws that, if followed, lead to different virtues that bless our lives, but living those laws requires work. When I was younger love and happiness were generally easily come by, but now that I'm older I have to work harder at them. I think that this is by divine design, God allows us to feel these when we are younger so that we know how desirable they are, now that I am older, it's not so freely given, I have to work for them. I have thought for some time that there must be something wrong because I don't just easily feel love or happiness any more, I thought maybe there was something seriously wrong with me. But now I understand that God expects me to work for these things, and as I do they are both right there for the taking, so long as I am obedient to the laws surrounding these virtues.

I am actually glad that I discovered this because it makes me feel like I understand better why things are the way they are. I understand that I really do have choices in my life, I can choose attitudes, thoughts and actions that lead to anything I want, and life is so much more than what it appears to be on the surface. The end result is simply that, an end result, the true miracle is really in the journey. Happiness is the end result, the journey to living a life of happiness is the real miracle.

So I am not sure what all to say about the divorce right here, I will probably expound on my experience in later posts, but for now my heart is full of what I have written. Divorce is a very unfortunate outcome of a complex maze of choices, of sins of omission as well as sins of commission. I am guilty of both, and have beat myself up for them over and over again, to the point that (like I said earlier) God told me to stop it. I have wished that I could go back and have do overs, perhaps if I had just done this or that, or said this at just the right moment, or perhaps if I had not done this or that, then the outcome would be very different. But alas, the outcome is what it is and it's important for me to surrender any thoughts about what might have been

I had an epiphany a few weeks ago, that we are all linked, past present and future, that those of us who are alive today keep those of us who have gone on before alive by sharing their thoughts and ideas, because the thoughts and ideas are really one eternal round of thoughts and ideas, not uniquely our own, but expressed again and again by everyone who discovers them. In this way, we are also linked to all of those who have yet to come and discover the same truths.

I had this realization that we are all linked this while reading a book, and it applied to this quote because I looked up the author of the quote, Art Linkletter, who is now passed away. He said this truth, and therefore he is credited in my piece of art with having said it, and because of that I have kept him alive so to speak so he and I are now connected by the bands that connect the past present and future. I acknowledge that the idea of choosing one's own attitude is not unique to Art, and that he did not create the idea, it has been discovered and re-discovered billions of times probably by each person who has ever been born on this earth, which links us all together, past, present, and future.